Like Mark Twain said… Let’s Play Fantasy Football

Well, we’re back. Once again we have set the record for early start-up of what is the best league in DelMarVa, Europe and the Middle East. Since there’s already been four posts about it and training camp officially starts for the Super Bowl bound Redskins today, I have created the league for the 2010 season.

As we all know, this will be a return to glory for the squad that has ruled the title game for years. Just as Ryzz had his fluke, the Shoe managed to get lucky and squeak by with the deciding player being a third string WR that I’d punch in the face if I ever saw him. So luckily for all of us, this season will be a return to normalcy for the league, and we can all rest easy with the things we know for certain: D$ will miss the start of the draft, Dirt will have the greatest draft of all-time yet not make a single roster move and end up out of the playoffs, Ryzz will talk and talk and talk, Clew will threaten to quit either before or after the season starts, Spree will draft some RB named Chris Johnson from the UFL in the 4th round, Spree Lew will start out hot and fade, Not Tim will retire (again), Strokker will have the team that we all envy, and I will… well you know how it will go.

This brings up our first big topic of the year. Who is in? I assume we have 8 entrants as of right now. Not Tim is out as mentioned above. Shoe claims he will not play again. That leaves at least 1 spot and possibly 2. My first nomination is for Mr. R, also known as the guy who forced us to create a rule to lock team names, also known as the guy who can’t understand how to work a computer in order to draft. We have a standing rule that if a person has played in our league before, he gets a spot before a newbie. So if he wants it, I don’t think we have any other candidates at the moment. We may have another spot, so I’ll wait to hear who else might be interested from the group.

Second decision of the year is when to hold the draft. Typically we hold it the last weekend in August, right in the middle of preseason games so that you have some ideas how people look but not all has been revealed yet. My vote, and the current placeholder, is for the weekend of August 27-29. I don’t care when we hold it, but I vote for either Friday night or Saturday late afternoon, so we can roll the draft into a social event. Unlike Spree Lew, I don’t particularly care to pound 15 Natty Bo’s on a Sunday afternoon. And I do want to be there to watch Clew three code blues deep so that he starts giggling as he reviews over and over each roster in the league. So right now it is set for August 28 at 5pm. That also works doubly-well for a WLC social event as that is the UFC Penn-Edgar rematch. In my opinion, that works perfectly. As for other weekends, I know Clew is out of town the weekend before, and D$ and I will be down in ATL watching the boys in blue hammer the LSU tigers the following weekend. So how does August 28 work for everybody?

I was hoping for an offseason meeting to vote on rule changes, but I suggest given the lack of time left that we either vote online or we do it at the draft. Here is the list of issues that have been brought up to the Commish:

1) Payout for the points leader at the end of the regular season (I think this is a decent idea)

2) Points leader is guaranteed a playoff spot (I like #1 better, plus this will be kind of screwy to implement. I’d have to go back and change records to make it work)

3) Reduce QB yardage for 1 point to 30 yards from 35. I would vote against this as our league once again was QB heavy with 8 of the top 10 players being QBs and 14/20. If anything I vote we drop it down 5 yards to 40 yards per point.

4) Add a roster spot for Injured Players. We’d have to come up with rules for this Not Tim suggestion, but I’m not a big fan. I think injuries and holding on to players is part of the game, plus it will be tough to monitor.

5) Trades switched from approved by Commish to approved by league vote. I whole-heartedly disagree with this. When we switched this a few years back, it was for 2 reasons: Nobody was responding to the trade approvals so it came down to one or two people, and the other reason is like last year’s uproar the trade that would have helped several people but hurt one would not have been prevented by league vote because it helped the majority. That is simply unfair, and I don’t think we should play in a league that allows that. Also, with a league vote you have to wait a set period so any trades that were on Friday or Saturday might not make it before the games on Sunday. With a Commish approval, you can get it done as soon as I look at it. Again, I would like to vote down this suggestion, but in the spirit of fair play I am opening it up to the league.

6) There has been a small movement for a PPR themed scoring category. I would actually like this, if we’re talking .25 or .50 points per catch. Nothing to completely skew the results, but a little bonus if your boy catches a ton of balls.

7) Draw the draft order from a hat instead of letting the computer do it randomly. Despite complaints, I’ve never touched it for fear of being blamed for the draft order, and despite this I still am every year. I’m fine with doing it in person if that’s what people want. Just remember that we have to draw something like an hour before the draft. I don’t want to do it too early because I like the unknown of not knowing where you’re going to pick.

That was all I had in my notes for this year. If anybody has additional suggestions, I will be glad to open them to vote. We will vote, but all issues must be resolved before the draft.

Time to talk dollars. I suggest we move back to $100 this year, with the following payouts: $100 points leader at the end of regular season, $100 for 3rd place game winner, $200 for the 2nd place, and $600 for the Champion. Let me know what you think. As always, if you don’t have your money paid by the draft, you will have no team to draft for. No excuses as usual. I won’t even think about it. If you don’t have $100 in, you won’t have a team.

I think that’s all I have for the moment. Once again, this is my favorite time of the year, and I really do appreciate how this annual competition keeps us close despite living all over the place. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. So let’s get going… get your teams in and I’ll see you at the draft.

– The Commish

123 Responses to Like Mark Twain said… Let’s Play Fantasy Football

  1. Ryzz

    What’s the deal here? Clew’s bearded lady signed up that leaves the cobbler. Yahoo won’t let us schedule a draft without an even number.

    Clew you current name is accurate, I believe your team be burdened with logical disabilities and mental shortcomings all season long.

    Favorite name so far was one of clew’s but now falls to Dirt, worst to Strokker.

    I hate starting the season off with a loss.

  2. TeeEbbs

    Not sure what the deal is Ryzz, but trying to broker a deal between Dirt and Shoe is just about the same as being stuck between the USA and the USSR

  3. Ryzz

    Teeebbs, lock it up

  4. Dirt McGirt

    I can’t do anything on sat before 8:30.  I can do sunday morning though

  5. clew

    Dirt, is there anyway you could make this any more difficult? Way to plan your life around the draft like the rest of us…

  6. Dirt McGirt

    Actually i did plan my life around the draft and stated 8:30 was when i could do it, then shu claimed he couldn’t do it then so i offered sunday am

  7. DeeMoney

    Shu you are such a pussy

  8. shu

    Bitches…and I mean every single one of you, with a specific focus on Ryzz.  I can only assume the presence of my genius at Ryzz City Music Hall for the draft would be too much for the group, and thus I have been relegated to my second championship season from Starbucks yet again (thanks for the invite douches).  Either way…auto draft, phone draft…i’m in again for this year.  Hope you’re looking forward to my ‘weak/pussy juice’ dripping into your face from the champions podium yet again.

  9. clew

    It stings. Still, last year was better than a Tee fourpeat.

  10. Ryzz

    I like it when the champ calls me out from the pack of lack wits in this league.  Its fortuitous to receive the respect I deserve while the rest of you Brawndo drinkers are concerned with bating and electrolytes.

    Clew: “It stings” – who’s got you bent over? D$’s getting jealous.

  11. Strokker


    I sent you some chedda…let me know when you get it

  12. TeeEbbs

    Strokker has paid
    Clew has paid

  13. TeeEbbs

    Dirt has paid

  14. Ryzz

    cheaper to use paypal than go to the local atm… I just paid

  15. Spree Lew

    Teebs whats the Paypal e-mail?

  16. TeeEbbs

    Ryzz paid

  17. TeeEbbs

    Spree Lew paid
    Mr. R paid
    D$ paid

  18. Ryzz

    As an event, I think that was the best draft we’ve ever had. Thanks to the commish for all his commissioner duties. Thanks to Teeebbs, D$, Spree Lew, Dirt, & Clew for showing up in person. Thanks to Silent J for picking Teeebbs name in the worst draft position.

    Thanks to Strokker & Spree for having their shit together and no computer problems.

    Fuck shoe and the bearded lady. Hate hate hate. I’m winning this shit.

  19. Dirt McGirt

    look at your lineup, now say that again with a straight face…

  20. clew

    Agreed. Ryzz got to it before I could…special thanks to the commish for cleaning up all the trash as well. This is shaping up to be a competitive year. D$, still waiting on preseason draft quarterly updates.

  21. TeeEbbs

    Yea guys in all seriousness, thanks to everyone for coming and participating and being on the phone and everything else. It was really a fun time, and a great way to kick off the season. Thanks to Ryzz for hosting. I can’t wait to do it all again next year. But for now I can’t wait until the season gets underway

  22. clew

    Tee, I would say it was a perfect weekend, but you had to go and ruin Friday night by getting drunk and surly and yelling at your little buddy.

  23. flems

    Thanks for having me there guys, enjoyed it. Also, good news for everyone:,8599,2014332,00.html

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